Pain
by JnnLuvsU
Summary: You think I don't understand pain? That I don't know what suffering is? DV. Set right before Beachhead.


Pain  
By: JnnLuvsU  
Summary: "You think I don't understand pain? That I don't know what suffering is?" Set right before Beachhead.

"What are you doing in here?" Daniel asked, exasperated. This was the third time he'd found her in his room in the past week. It was becoming increasingly annoying. Would she ever learn?

Vala smiled, "You mean this isn't my room?" she asked, innocently. "It looks like my room."

"No," Daniel replied, not in the mood for her games, "Your room is down the hall, remember? The one with the armed escort standing outside."

Vala grinned, "Well, we can fix that, can't we?" She wrapped her arms around his neck.

Daniel removed her arms from around his neck, "Go away," he said.

"Fine," Vala huffed, "but not until you tell me who this is," she said, holding up a picture from the bedside table.

Daniel was caught off guard. Nobody had asked about Sha're in years. He took the picture from her and placed it back on the table, "That's Sha're," he answered, "my wife. Will you leave now?"

Vala didn't move, "I didn't know you were married," she said, actually surprised.

"I'm not," Daniel replied, not really knowing why he was telling her this, "Sha're was taken, as a host, by Amonet. A few years ago we found her. She was trying to kill me, so Teal'c shot her." He sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands, "just go away, Vala, you couldn't possibly understand."

Vala bristled, "I couldn't understand?" she said, her voice shaking with anger. She began to pace, "What, you think I don't understand pain? That I don't know what suffering is? I was a host once, too, or did you forget? And I have news for you, your wife probably welcomed that shot."

Daniel's head shot up and his eyes flashed. How dare she! He was on his feet in a minute, but Vala didn't seem to notice.

Vala knew she'd struck a nerve, but this anger had been building for weeks. He needed to hear this, "I had to watch as that _thing_ killed my brother with _my_ hands. I would have much preferred for someone to have simply shot me. Do you think I _enjoy_ having that on my conscience? Do you think she would have been able to live with _your _death on her conscience?"

"Don't compare yourself to Sha're, Vala. You were nothing alike. I think I have a little better idea what was going on in her head than you do." He was getting angry now. Why was it she brought out the worst in him?

"Do you really?" Vala asked, incredulously, walking away from him, her voice light. "You know what, Daniel, your wife and I have a lot more in common than you think, but you're the great Daniel Jackson, you couldn't possibly be wrong, could you?"

She turned on him, fire flashing in her eyes. Daniel unconsciously took a step backward, "You have _NO_ idea what was going through her head." She was practically in tears now, "So, let me spell it out for you."

She walked as far away from him as she could get, "You've been taken as a host by a species of creatures you despise. You're pulled away from everyone you love. Your family, friends. You are then forced to torture people, kill them, enslave them, all the while knowing that it's not you that's doing these horrible things, but unable to deny that you did them. Then, your brother gets in trouble and gets hauled in to see you. Your little brother, barely more than a kid. You know he's done nothing wrong and want to rush up and hold him. To take away the pain. To make things better, like an older sibling is supposed to do."

Daniel had never seen her like this and didn't know what to do. He sat back down on the bed, listening intently, most of his anger evaporated.

Vala's voice began to shake and tears rolled down her cheeks, "Instead, you feel _your _hand pick up a staff weapon." She stared at her hands, and Daniel could tell she was lost in the memory of what that must have been like to do those horrible things. "_You_ take aim, and _your_ finger pulls the trigger and kills your brother." Her voice was barely more than a whisper now, "You know you didn't do it, but you still know you did..." she trailed off and took a deep breath, hurriedly wiping her eyes.

Daniel was astounded and shocked into silence. Vala looked into his eyes with her red rimmed ones, "Now," she whispered, "put yourself in her head."

Daniel hung his head. She was right. If Sha're was aware that she was killing him, she would have preferred to die. Just as Daniel would have rather died had the situation been reversed.

Vala handed him Sha're's picture, "I know you miss her, but to be honest, she got off lucky. Even if you had found a way to remove the Goa'uld from her, you'd have never really looked at her the same. Oh, you would have loved her, I'm sure, and you would have stayed with her. But you would never have been the same as you'd been before. It would be different."

Daniel looked at the picture in his hands, "How do you know?" he whispered, tears in his eyes.

"Because," Vala started, sitting beside him on the bed, "after the Tok'ra removed the Goa'uld from me, I went home. Back to my village. Back to my parents. My father had died some years before, but my mother was there." A soft smile lit her face, "She rushed to me, hugged me close, loved me. But something was different. She seemed colder than I'd remembered. My older brother resented my presence and couldn't believe I'd had the never to come back after what he claimed _I'd_ done."

She looked down, "I had been home two weeks when he convinced the village I was evil. They stoned me," she whispered, "I was rescued by an old man, a thief."

Vala stood and walked to the door, "So, you see, I think I turned out pretty good, but apparently not good enough for you." She opened the door and walked out.

Daniel heard the door slam shut and stood up, going after her. He walked to her room down the hall. The guard let him in and he stood in the doorway in shock.

Vala was packing. She was throwing things into her bag, not really trying too hard to organize it. She didn't even spare him a glance as he walked into her room.

"What are you doing?" Daniel asked, even though the answer was very obvious.

Vala shot him a look that would make most people cower and run, "What does it look like I'm doing, Daniel?" She looked at him increduloulsy, "I'm leaving."

Daniel sighed, "Why?" he asked.

Vala narrowed her eyes at him, "Why?" she echoed, "Are you _kidding_ me!" She walked to him and jabbed him in the chest with her finger, "You have the _nerve_ to ask me why?" She walked back to her bag and began to fiddle with the clasp. "I'm never going to fit into your world, and frankly, I am _sick_ of taking insults from you." She walked to the door.

Daniel rubbed his chest where she had poked him and then walked to the door, placing his hand on it above her head, stopping her exit, "Don't leave like this," he said.

Vala didn't even turn to look at him, "Don't worry Daniel, if I start to feel sick, I'll come back through."

Daniel hung his head, "I'm sorry, Vala," he said, resting his free hand on her shoulder. "You took me by surprise. Nobody's asked about Sha're in years. I shouldn't have snapped at you, I'm sorry."

Vala scoffed, "You've been snapping at me for weeks, Daniel," she huffed, "So don't try and tell me that _this_ set you off. Let me leave."

Daniel sighed, "Please don't leave," he whispered, pleading with her, "I don't want you to leave."

Vala looked down, "You've got a funny way of showing that." She turned to face him, hurt in her eyes, "I'm never going to be good enough for you, am I?"

Daniel hated that he had pushed her to this, "Oh, Vala, I'm sorry I pushed you away. Our past experiences together didn't leave me with all that much trust in you. So I refused to let you get too close." He pushed gently until she was leaning against the door. He leaned close to her, "Besides, I was afraid that if I let you too close, I would do something stupid," he whispered, his face millimeters from hers.

Vala grinned, "Something like this," she returned, closing the distance between them.

Daniel gave into urge that had been plaguing him since she had come through the Stargate weeks ago. He wrapped his arms around her waist, enjoying the feel of her in his arms. They became lost in the moment until the need for air outweighed their need for each other. Daniel pulled back and grinned at her, breathing heavily, "Actually," he grinned, "I was thinking more of something like_ this_." He picked her up and carried her over to the bed. He leaned over her and kissed her again.

Vala was surprised by Daniel's move, but knew better than to say anything. She didn't want him to stop. She had been waiting for this for weeks. Their kiss on the Prometheus had only left her hungry for more. She had been trying to get under his skin for weeks and was excited that she had finally succeeded.

Daniel and Vala jumped apart at the sound of knocking on the door. Daniel turned to Vala, raising his eyebrows, "Expecting someone?" he asked.

Vala shook her head, "Just you."

Daniel sighed and got off the bed, Vala following. Daniel opened the door to find Cameron and Teal'c standing there, Cameron holding a basketball. Neither made any comment about why Daniel was in Vala's room. "Want to play a game?" Cameron asked.

Daniel shrugged and turned to Vala, "You up for it?" he asked.

Vala smiled, "You'll have to teach me," she said, "but sure."

Daniel turned to Cameron, "Sure," he answered, "We'll play."


End file.
